StanLivshin.com

 Written by M.A.K.

A mouth full of daggers
With words like slow poison
Ideas that snake into my mind
Weapons you’re not aware of
Lethal

Different
Nothing about you makes sense
You’re not common
Just a  mess of unintentional contradictions
Pulling me close

You speak in dizzying circles
And I have nothing to hold
But you

i walk upon this borderline of nothing
the nothing that i felt since early days
please don’t forget that i was all alone
and nothing more i seek than you and
nothing more i seek than holding on to
something real and something to feel
and call my own and nothing can replace
this guilt of doing something wrong
of being left alone and being nothing
to no one and everything i didn’t want
to know so don’t remind me of what
i am so don’t remind me of what i am not
because i am not nothing i am not no one
i am not just someone that came along
i am not someone who randomly dropped by
the fire warmth i am someone who walks this life
of feeling nothing more and nothing less
of being nothing to no one i am the one that feels
i am nothing more than walking past of past this borderline

Written by Kathleen Sarnes

I’m just going to tell myself you are gone
overseas fighting a war or making one
and pretend our life was a wonderful dream
a dream where I saw your radiant visage
and felt you hold me if only for a moment
only to disappear once again
becoming one with the horizon
I woke up clutching the frayed remnants
of the memory of the last time I felt you
I’m just going to tell myself you are gone
up in space or trying desperately to find some
because Earth is slowly suffocating you
gallivanting across the cosmos
discovering new and wonderful things
about the world and about yourself
I woke up alone but knew it was okay
because you sent the softest, hardest kiss to me
on a moonbeam and it traveled faster than
millions of light years per second
and landed precisely on my crimson coated lips
before you even thought to kiss them
I’m just going to tell myself you’re gone
and pretend but a transient spirit was here
and told me it’s not you it’s me
and vanished into some other distant
realm of existence that I might one day know
if I am lucky enough to gain such entitlement
I woke up surrounded in soft red blankets
that mirrored how I bleed inside for you
how I long to take away all that ails you
how I would in no wise allow you to feel such pain
had I the power to alter anything it would be that
even if I had to take it on myself forever
I’m just going to tell myself your gone
Exploring the depths under pacific waves and tsunamis
Naming new fish after me and after my smile
The one you know only you have created
I woke up and though I told myself you’re gone
I still knew you were not and all at once
I realized that for the first time I could not fool myself
And live in some convoluted lack of reality
No matter how many times my brain lies
And says you are in a million cities or states
My heart knows where you really are
Because you’re in it.

no never again
on our forcefed illusions to choke
you feed off my pain
you feed off my life
my tired eyes have seen enough
of all your lies
your hate is blind
and still our windows stay shut
they’re shut forever more
and there won’t be another dawn
we will reap as we have sown

reap as we have sown

you feel your soul go cold
and only the dead are smiling
26 years of pain
and now you feel its closing in
the will to rise above
should tear you inside out
pain to the highest order
scorching the insides of your skin
its the terminal spirit disease
your hate is blind
but still your window stays shut
its shut forever more
and there won’t be another dawn
you reap as i have sown

you reap as i have sown

can you feel the pain i feel?
i’ve lost all sense of what is real
i’m lost, in a world i detest
can you feel the pain i feel?
this wound i’ve got will never heal
i’m lost, in the serpents own nest
you were my messiah and creator, my christ
how will you feed me now your guiding light?
i cast you down from your throne of lies
and accuse you of a thousand sins
perished in the flames of what you call hell
i proclaim your life as lost forever
because you know your hate is blind
and still my window stays shut
its shut forever more
and there won’t be another dawn
i reap as you have sown

i reap as you have sown

Why cage a bird that cannot see
No point in running and trying to break free
Theres no escape in fear that’s blind
Dont cage the bird don’t keep it in a bind

Why cage a bird with broken wings
When wind beneath no longer sings
For every move it makes its always wrong
Dont cage the bird where it does not belong

Why cage a bird that’s already dead
Its gone away no more reasons to be sad
Its body cold and blood no longer pumps its veins
Don’t cage the bird don’t wrap it in your chains

oh dearest one
eternal fire’s burning time
like sunset’s burning up the sky
in seconds gone
i am running out of time
oh dearest one
with this last breath
i’d like to stop the time
and freeze this moment
forever gaze into your eyes
forever study all your curves
and all your lines
forever hold my breath
but i am running out of time
oh dearest one
like crumbling chalk
i am all used up
i’m blessed with love
and cursed by time
oh dearest one
forever doomed, forever lone
forever counting seconds gone
i am without you
forever memory left to burn
of dearest one
forever wander
the labyrinth of time

One more day closer to death. Rejection of everything that was for everything that will be. Past has vanished like burned ashes get blown away in the wind. Demolition starts here and now. With brutal force of a tsunami must tear down these sacred walls i have build inside myself over years. Its no short journey and no easy quest. Struggling for survival is what it comes down to. Kill you inside me or bury myself alive. I must survive chopper341_3_. Covering my tracks in seven clues through out this rubble of words to follow. Escaping hebetudinous organisms this puzzle of my life. The real test starts tomorrow as the dark sets in to feed on my fears and eat away on the last of my sanity. The trial of this kind i have faced before only to miserably languish in another failure. So whats so special about this time? I don’t know. Thoughts of tomorrow make me shiver like the last withering leaf left on a tree in anticipation of approaching cold winter gale.

Dead body in the dirt
Abused and raped alone
Left to rot and decompose
All hopes of future gone

Denial and angel overcome
I am standing on my knees
Dont really care anymore
Accept this bullet please

I want to feel like you, I want to feel like you
I want to feel like you, I want to feel… nothing at all

I know I’ve said before
Teach me of your ways
Learned by example I
Through 6 times 333 days

I want to feel like you, I want to feel like you
I want to feel like you, I want to feel… nothing at all

Dear angel of my death
I thank you for the ride
One day you’ll rot in hell
And I’ll be by your side.

I want to feel like you, I want to feel like you
I want to feel like you, I want to feel… nothing at all

so far away and still right here next to you
even tho your lips belong to someone else
somewhere our love still lives on nothing we can do
nothing we can do to make this stop or make it go away

take this broken shattered ice and melt it right away
put it so close to your heart then freeze it up again
memories will keep it all alive will keep this going on
its still right here i feel it its still alive and not gone

turn away for a second turn away for a month
days and years might go by i am still right here
still right here still right next to you at 333
i can still feel you and you can still feel me

when all the pieces are cleaned up from this crash
when all the smoke and dust settles down away
you will still come back to me there is nothing you can do
forever you still love me and forever i still love you

sand quickly fades through open hands
and shatter everything around thunders
roar will to disappear in distant past
as mighty ocean soon turns to gas

in instant worth of flash and blink of eye
a life time fades to seconds then to dust
escapes the touch and feel of what is real
shes so alone since shadaw has been gone

each smile replaced by ghastly grim
each passing moment next to you
with never ending solitary isolation
and never ending pain enough for two

from distance watch you slowly fall apart
and stumble down upon your broken heart
you turn around and watch me catching up
in your footsteps and thosands more to follow